First blog post you know what without you know who...
"You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose." - Jo Courdert
It is not easy to be unattached after sharing your life with someone for almost half of your life. 14 years of habit / friendship and 9 years of married life is not something to sneeze at. But this is my reality now and whether i like it or not, i will embrace it...
"For as he thinks in his heart, so is he". - Proverbs 23: 7
Its true what they say - Your most dominant thought is what dictates your life and will become the direction of your life. A verse in Matthew 12 (34) says that out of the abundance of your heart, the mouth speaks.
I am broken. I am a product of my past and i have not had healing for a very long time. In fact what drove the eventual break up was the resurfacing of past hurts, and for a good 14 months i tried to solve the problem. What i did not realize that i was not fixing the root cause of the problem.
You cannot go beyond the boundaries of your heart. You cannot give what you do not have. And because i did not have forgiveness and love in my heart - FOR MYSELF, even if i tried my hardest, i could not give what i did not have.
And so the inevitable happened.
"You cannot FIX YOUSELF" they kept saying, "You cannot stop the pain on your own" - and they were all right. I tried, with VERY FIBER OF MY BEING, but i kept failing - OVER AND OVER AND OVER...
I must admit that when i began to examine what really controled and dominated me, i realized i WAS A SLAVE TO MYSELF, to my PAST, i was responsible for having yielded to myself over and over and over... I realized just how powerful the enslavement was. And because i was so enslaved by it, it completely dominated me. I LIVED THE LIFE OF OBVIOUS SLAVERY TO MYSELF AND TO MY PAST.
"No more chains holding me. From now on, I am free. I am gonna shout it out loud..."
- Very Same Power by Free Chapel
When i heard this song over a teaching at my new church and saw the numerous women who were singing these words from a song, i felt HOPE. I felt i was not completely hopeless, that i too can be similar to all of the women in that room. I too can be freed from slavery...
Isaiah 48: 17 promises that God will teach me to profit, and He will lead me where i should be going... and that He can turn everything to my advantage, and that He will turn this problem into an opportunity for me - an opportunity for me to be healed, to finally be released of my past hurts and be well and whole again.
God has promised that if i keep the faith and continue praying, His word will direct my path, will begin to open opportunities for me. Even before i encountered the problem, God had already made provisions for me, that the bottom line is i do not see what God sees in me but eventually i will, that He in fact got me "out of my mess" to change me! This was God's intervention on my behalf!
Just as Hebrews 12:11 promised - this place of STILLNESS allows God the opportunity to work on us and eventually give us PEACE because we know HE IS IN CONTROL.
"When the fire in your life is the hottest, STAND STILL for later on... it produces harvest" Hebrews 12:11
God still has His secrets from me. I should not FEAR what lies ahead and be CONTENT to accept the things I cannot understand and to just wait patiently because in due time He will reveal the mystery which simply is the veil covering God’s face! They assured me that whenever I feel FORSAKENED, ABANDONED and LONELY, GOD is NEAR! He is in fact in the darkest cloud!
Understanding the FUTURE – what lies ahead
According to Sister Shoddy, the future is not built out of nothing, it is the culmination of our life so far – the way we lived, LOVED, PRAYED, pray, how we FORGAVE and CONTINUE to FORGIVE… the deeds we have done, the person we have become, character we have desired, battles we have won and the tests we have passed – ALL MEET US IN OUR TOMORROWS.
THE PAST HAS A PLACE BUT NOT IN MY FUTURE!
Sister Shoddy also said that we can NEVER FORGET the past, we will always remember it. If this is true, how can I move forward if I am still HANGING ON TO THE PAST and the PAST is HANGING on to ME? “Forgetting” means to Malnourish the Past, to NEGLECT. We learn from the past but WE DO NOT LINGER THERE because if we do this, WE CREATE A MONSTER… So all we need to do is starve it, lest it grows and consumes us – LIKE IT DID TO ME. And the only way to do is by FORGIVING YOURSELF, also OTHERS…
I should not FEAR my PAST, I should FACE IT AND DEAL WITH IT! Sister Shoddy phrased it brilliantly “If we don’t, it will be an unrelenting creditor demanding payment following you through every future transaction…” Things that are left unsettled today will hound our tomorrows. With courage she said, we should ACCEPT OUR PAST, in humility we cry out to God for HEALING and RESTORATION.
She also said that Miracles do happen which will restore the years that were taken away from us. If we are emotionally anchored to the past, she said, We become STUCK IN TIME… sludge along, pulling the oast behind us which exhausts us as the past could weigh a ton!
EVERYTHING NEW STARTS WITH THE WAY WE THINK!
Have Faith in your Faith and Doubt your Doubts.
We all need FAITH especially during our desperate days. Faith's work is to sustain us through desperate days.
Ephesians 1 said it all - We are blessed! We are chosen! We are adopted! We are accepted! We are forgiven! We have an inheritance! We are sealed and that we are a purchased possession!
Walk out in Obedience and Undestanstanding will follow
I do not live in FEAR! I do not LIVE IN DARKNESS
“Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” - Isaiah 30: 18
No earthly circumstance can hinder the fulfillment of God’s plan.
There is a reason behind every lesson. “Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing…” – 2 Cor. 6:10
When God delays, He is not inactive. Our trials matures our strength. God is NEVER in a hurry. His timing is perfect. I should for now focus on the lessons in the “school of sorrow” than to focus anxiously on MY “time of deliverance”. I will not STEAL tomorrow from God’s hand. I will give Him time to speak to me and time to reveal HIS WILL. He is NEVER LATE and I should just LEARN TO WAIT!
“The Lord goes before you and will be with you, he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31: 8
When obstacles and trials seem like prison walls to be,
I do the little I can do and leave the rest to thee.
And when there seems no chance, no change from grief can set me free,
Hope finds its strength in helplessness and calmly waits for thee…
“Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” - Isaiah 30: 18
No earthly circumstance can hinder the fulfillment of God’s plan.
There is a reason behind every lesson. “Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing…” – 2 Cor. 6:10
When God delays, He is not inactive. Our trials matures our strength. God is NEVER in a hurry. His timing is perfect. I should for now focus on the lessons in the “school of sorrow” than to focus anxiously on MY “time of deliverance”. I will not STEAL tomorrow from God’s hand. I will give Him time to speak to me and time to reveal HIS WILL. He is NEVER LATE and I should just LEARN TO WAIT!
“The Lord goes before you and will be with you, he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31: 8
When obstacles and trials seem like prison walls to be,
I do the little I can do and leave the rest to thee.
And when there seems no chance, no change from grief can set me free,
Hope finds its strength in helplessness and calmly waits for thee…
