That one thing I hate about myself...

“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” ― Ambrose Bierce

If there is one thing that I really DETEST (as in LOATHE) about myself, it is my temper.

You may say that ANGER is normal and is very much a part of life because we all get angry. But if you have a temper as short as mine, you will probably think it is not normal at all. 

While anger can result in something positive and is even considered a healthy emotion at times like standing up for injustice, for instance. Or if there is a situation where you feel threatened, you can retaliate through anger and protect yourself from danger. But if you find yourself having a short fuse over the littlest things, it can take a toll on your health; even your relationships. 


Anger in the family 

Family and your relationship with your family members, inadvertently define you. A family is the basic unit of society and family members are our first teachers, they are the strongest contributors to the development of our character. Growing up, my family's influence was alternately something I would consciously negate, or inadvertently succumb to. I also have desperately tried to understand the anger that was very much present in our family, especially within our extended family.

When anger is deeply entrenched in one's family, it spreads itself much like a virus to its future generations. The wider the spread, the more difficult the anger is to contain. 

How can you tell if anger is deep-seated and is present in your family? Just look around you and see how the members of your family relate to one another. Remember that your earliest experience with your family is in communicating and relating to them, so if there are unresolved issues within the family brought about by anger (whether it's because of rage, temper tantrums, or bottled up anger towards each other); the issues will eventually reflect in how your family members relate to one another. The sad part of all of this is that the patterns of anger in early relationships when deep-seated, will reflect even in relationships outside the family. 


But what is Anger?

According to Wikipedia: "Anger is an emotion related to one's psychological interpretation of having been offended, wronged, or denied, and a tendency to react through retaliation". Anger triggers the body’s ‘fight or flight response. You either face it head-on, or you try to withdraw from the situation to protect yourself.

There are two types of ANGER: 
Anger explosions where some people have very little control over their anger and tend to explode in rages. People who become slaves to their temper, eventually isolate themselves from friends and love ones. 
Anger repression in which some people consider that anger is an inappropriate or ‘bad’ emotion, and choose to suppress it. However, bottled anger often turns into depression and anxiety.



The Propensity for Anger

I have known Anger. I have had to deal with anger all my life. Every time it knocks on my door, I invite it in. I recall hundreds of times that I allowed anger to get the better of me. The ugliness that is anger, turned me inside out. I rationalized my anger too many times. I have also rationalized violent retaliation. I have told myself countless times that I tried to be forgiving and understanding, but that the provocation was too much. But the truth is, I know that this is a convenient excuse, an excuse so convenient that at some point, I just accepted that my anger is part of me and it is something I have to accept. 

Dealing with anger is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Imagine having no control over it, feeling overwhelmingly helpless that you eventually find yourself giving in. The thing about anger is that it is so powerful an emotion that if it is allowed to fester, it can manifest itself in a very violent and destructive way. Yes, it can start with a little annoyance, but it can later lead to a destructive (blinded) rage, at times directed, not just to one person but to everyone.

Since I have dealt with anger for most of my life, I have come to realize that it has resided deep in my soul and has now affected my reactions, my ability to love, and to understand. It has gotten to a point where my relationships were very much affected by it, some were even so irreversibly damaged that the relationships eventually ended. 


Dealing with Anger

If you feel out of control, walk away from the situation until you cool down. Reflect and pinpoint the exact reasons why you feel angry. I have started keeping a journal of my outbursts so that I can attempt to understand why I got mad in the first place. I also realized that people who are stressed like me, are more likely to experience anger. 

As part of my commitment to deal with my anger issues, I have also promised my family to enroll at a gym and to learn how to meditate or do yoga. Studies have documented that regular exercise can improve mood and reduce stress levels. The effects of this, I was told, were twofold: physical exertion burns up stress chemicals, and it also boosts the production of mood-regulating neurotransmitters in the brain, including endorphins. 


Recognizing one's anger is the first step to resolution

You first need to learn to recognize your anger. You need answers to questions like:

"How do I know when I am angry?"
"What events/people/places/things make me angry?"
"How do I react when I'm angry?"
"How does my angry reaction affect others?"

You should also start recognizing Physiological Signs of Anger. The first step in effective anger management is to learn how to recognize when you are angry. I am an angry person and I see my emotions as either black or white, that I am either in a rage or I am calm. The truth is, anger is neither black nor is it white. Anger builds up and there are certain signs to determine if the sheer annoyance is building up into full-blown anger.

People like me who see anger in terms of extremes, oftentimes have difficulty recognizing the build-up. Luckily, most people experience a number of physical, emotional, and behavioral signs to warn them of impending rage. 

Some other physical signs of anger include increased and rapid heart rate, shaking or trembling, and sometimes even dizziness.

After some introspection, I discovered that I too feel physical signs like headache and stomachache (hyper-acidity) when I am starting to get extremely irritated.

Emotionally you may feel like you want to get away from the situation. You feel irritated, sad, or depressed, you feel guilty or resentful, anxious; you feel like you want to strike out verbally or physically (this I feel, all the time).

You may also notice that you start rubbing your head (Max does this!).
You start cupping your fist with your other hand. You start pacing. You start getting sarcastic. You start losing your sense of humor and you start acting in an abusive or abrasive manner. And of course, you start raising your voice; you even begin to yell or scream. Others start craving a drink, a smoke, or other substances that can relax. 

Recognizing these signs will help you prevent outbursts. Remember you still have control over your anger when it is still in its early stage, but when it starts building up, it might be too late.


Learn to ask for forgiveness

If all else fails, learn how to ask for forgiveness and resolve to be more conscious of the consequences of your actions, and the repercussions of your misplaced anger, and commit to being more aware of the physical and emotional signs, the next time you get annoyed or irritated.

“Anybody can become angry — that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way — that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.” - Aristotle

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems not people; to focus your energies on answers, not excuses.” - William Arthur Ward

They said I should write what I know

“Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.” ― William Wordsworth

I have always wanted to write and I prayed that the good Lord would grant me the ability to write, the same way he blessed my mother. For most of my childhood, I remember asking God every night to change the course of my life and make me more like my mother; at least in that sense.

Here is a photo of my mother in her late 20s

When I met Max and he told me that writing has a lot more to do with what you know rather than how you write (your form), I decided that it was time for me to start a blog. At first, I figured that no one had to know I had a blog as not all blogs are meant to be public. But then so many of my friends said that all I needed to do was to write from the heart and to write what I know, so here I am with my 3rd post for the year (A huge feat for me!).



So, what do I know? If there is one thing I know, one thing I am certain of; is that God is GOOD and is Faithful through each of our trials. It may not feel that way, but He is, and will always be.

How do I know this?

Remember my last post, where I shared with you a verse in the bible? Can I repost it again to refresh your memory?

I am of the belief that everything that happens to you is (somewhat) ordained by God. Yes, we do have our free will, but He is all-knowing; He already knows your decisions even before you make them. When my life falls apart, I see this as God's way of testing my faithfulness to Him. When a prayer is either delayed or unanswered, I know that the answer to my prayer (whether it was the one I was praying for or God's own answer to my prayer), is close behind.

Burning and Shining Brightly, as a result of the Fire 

I also see my tribulations as a chance to look inward; to reflect, to examine my soul (with courage I might add), and I know it won't be long until the Lord reveals what is truly inside of me; whether it is resentment, anger, hate, bitterness, sadness, pride, or even envy. It takes a lot of courage to accept the things that are revealed when you look inwardly with courage, especially during your darkest hour. But I am comforted knowing that He is in the shadows watching over me, as I go through my troubles. I am comforted knowing that I am truly not alone.

The trick is to be still, to trust in God when troubles arise; allowing God to work in us through our suffering. There is a saying that when the fire in our life is the hottest, we should stand still as God will produce his harvest in us.


Trials are the food of Faith, And Faith is being certain of what We Do Not See.                                
Do you know that when this happens, I remind Him (God) of His promises to me? And do you also know that the Good Lord cannot say NO? During times of affliction is when I hold God to His promises. Do you also know that God's timing is perfect? He is never early and is never late. So when I am in a very dark place, I pray for strength so that I do not rush Him because trouble and darkness are meant to teach me. Liberated by the shackles and untouched by the furnace, ika nga :-).

Mantra: Victors in the Conflict and Rich in Poverty. Yes, these things are hard but with faith, they can be done. I should end my blog before I get overly preachy.

As an end to my blog post, allow me to leave you with words that have comforted me in my darkest hour:

It is through the most difficult trials that God often brings 

the sweetest discoveries of Him. 

It is in our Weakest that God works at His Strongest.

God bless you!

All, for the sake of an update...

I have not updated my blog in months, so much for committing to blog on a regular basis. My last post was March, can you believe that?

Okay, I think I have not really introduced myself yet. For those of you who only know me either from high school, college, or even professionally but do not really know me beyond that; allow me the privilege of (re) introducing myself. 

If I were to describe myself, I would say that I am a fairly young mother of three beautiful teenagers ages 19, 18, and 17. My eldest (son's) name is Simon, he is 19. My eldest daughter is Chesca, who is now 18. While my loving bunsoy Sophia, just turned 17 last February. I still get so surprised when I am reminded each day that all my kids are practically grown ups! Can you imagine that! 

Here is a recent photo of my precious angels (from left: Chesca, Sophia, Simon)

I would also say that I work in PR (wow, that sounded ironic considering the very lame introduction I just gave!). Reason for this pretty lame intro is that if there happens to be one thing about my life that I will refuse to change (yes, even if I was offered a do-over by God, walang halong showbiz); I would still prefer to be a young mother. Maybe a part of me would request to have them a little later in my life (just so I can provide for them better); but my having them early in life (I had my son, my eldest, at the age of 17); made me who I am today. So no regrets! :-D. Seriously! (Like I said, this is not your typical showbiz response :-)). 

I was in Advertising for over 15 years when I decided to shift careers and to move to practicing PR. I always say to the people I meet, that I am the only person they will meet in the PR industry that does not write! I do have A WHOLE LOT of experience though, which I am sure counts for something. In fact, my partner Max and I put up an agency less than two years ago! Will you give us an A for being gutsy? :-D

Max and I at an event, no sleep for days but still happy to work!

We put up an agency called ROAR IMC (Integrated Marketing Communications) Services. We chose the name ROAR for three very good reasons. One is that the truth of the matter is, it is a combination of your last names ROckwell ARroyo. Second reason is that we both love the feline species! Last but the most important reason is that as an agency, this is our message: We help our clients find their ROAR in the marketplace. Oh diba, clever? :-)

https://www.facebook.com/ROARCOMM

My mother was a GREAT writer (God bless her soul). Growing up knowing this and realizing I did not have a knack for writing, actually made me question God, a lot. There were a lot of waking hours just wondering (and asking!) why she was great and I was not. Okay, so the questions were mostly in the realm of why I was so different from her not so much about my resenting the fact that I did not inherit her writing prowess. It was just that there were so many things about her that made her great, that made her who she was; that made me want to be like her. She was very intelligent, she dressed very elegantly (was overdressed for practically every occasion). She spoke very well and so eloquently if I may add. She was profound. She was also very soft spoken and demure. So you see why I had to question God? The fruit fell VERY FAR from the tree so to speak!

Here is a photo of my mom (her Assumption HS grad pic)

I remember my older sister would tease me a lot, that I was an adopted child; and so growing up, a part of me believed that it might be true! But then when I got older, I started looking like her (my Mom; I can never thank God enough for making it up to me through this!), and so I had to concede to what was pretty obvious, that maybe I was not adopted after all :-).

This is my sister Sigried, and her husband Dwayne. They are both in the army. HOOAH!

I still LLOOVVVEEE advertising, very much so. But somewhere along the way, being a young single mother and all; I decided (with a HEAVY HEART if I may add), to compromise. Instead of continuing working in/for/at an advertising agency, I ventured instead in Sales Advertising because of the promise of more money (commissions / incentives offered in Sales) - all for the love of my three angels.

My father for most of his career, was an advertising man. He started out with Ace Compton (now Saatchi), O&M (which was formerly Olbes O&M), and at J. Romero (his longest stint, worlked with JRo for 11 years), before he put up his own agency (Charisms, Inc.). My father handled brands like Pepsi (in its prime), Metro Drug, and Eskinol (in its early years). 

When I first started in advertising, I was so amazed that everyone knew my father! Growing up (yes around the time that I was resenting God for creating me very differently from my Mom), people were saying that I was so much like my father. I did not want to accept this because I wanted to be like my mother (instead of my father), but I have since been extremely grateful for God's wisdom because he knew the decisions I would make in my life especially the decisions that led to so much failure in my life (to happen). He knew that I will only be able to overcome my so-called tragedies if I was more like my father rather than my mother. I am now able to live comfortably, thanks to the gifts I inherited from my father.

This photo was taken two decades ago, when I was receiving an award for academic excellence in Sta. Rosa, Makati. (thats me with my beautiful and very spiritual parents. I was only 7 years old here.)

My last stint in Advertising before I changed practices, was with a Digital Ad Agency. And the longest stint in my career was with a media publication. You can say I have tried everything. I have worked for an ad agency, ventured into Sales Advertising. Worked for Image Bank (my first real job, formerly owned by Kodak, now owned by Getty Images) where I "served" several creative directors and print producers). I have also done radio (a bit of radio broadcasting as a host for a one hour religious show at an am station). I have done tv (secured advertising placements for a religious show, hosted by the late Chat Silayan whom I really cared for dearly, who was so nice to me). I have sold advertising space for a glossy, a free tabloid, and finally for a broadsheet. This was my last (and longest!) stint in my advertising career. I was connected, for eight long years, with a Media Organization / Publication.

Oh what the heck, it was with the Philippine Daily Inquirer, and I am proud to say that I worked for them for a very long time (long time for me!). PDI was and is still very much a second home to me. I will always be proud of my stay in PDI.

The very famous Marcos flees issue!

This was the very first issue of PDI

I worked for DPC too, for almost a year, 

EYP's Kitam Guru! 

before I decided to go back to advertising, but this time to try my luck in digital for a change. This was short lived though as I felt I was too old to learn new tricks. I do have to admit that despite the shortness of my stint in digital advertising, I really learned a lot from it; and I was fortunate enough to handle one of the biggest advertisers in the Philippines (oh no wait, in the world, pala! Clue, starts with the letter U! :-)).

After my very, very short digital stint; was when I decided that PR was the most logical next step (as I was in media the longest, out of all my advertising exposure and immersion). So, here I am!

Okay, so maybe my introduction was not so lame after all. I was able to share with you a summary of what I have been doing for the last 19 or so years. 

Next year marks a very important milestone in my life. I would be working for 20 years next year. I started work very early, 18 (working as a cashier when I was 17 does not count!), which means next year marks my 20th year in career land. 

What have I learned in the 19 years that I have been working? Oh I learned A WHOLE LOT, but may I please save the kwentos for my next blog post? :-D hehe.

As an end to my post, I would like to share with you a very important verse in the bible which has helped me in the last 17 years of my life. I was reminded of this verse just today during the preaching of one of our favorite pastors (Pastor Alan Crichett) in the church we go to in Alabang and I would like to share this verse with you. 

www.etsy.com

If you are expecting an extremely stressful week, brace yourself! But do not allow stress or worry to consume you because God is right beside you, journeying with you; just like in the footprints in the sand story!

http://wendythomasrussell.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/footprints-sand.jpg

I hope you all have a wonderful work week! Always remember: GOD LOVES YOU!