I am everything I am because you loved me

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” — I Corinthians 13:4-8a    

Those who know who WE (Max and I) are, already know a few things about us like:

ROAR Integrated Marketing Communications

L -R: Sophia (19), Chesca (20), Simon (21)

- Max and I are together 24/7 because we live and work together.  We own a small public relations agency called ROAR Communications.  
- Max and I have been together for 15 years. We celebrated our 15th anniversary last October 26. 

-  That we both have 3 angels who are ages 21, 20 and 19.

- That Max and I are polar opposites, yet so similar in so many ways (an oxymoron?) 

-  Some people envy our union. *Kinikilig*

Of all my blog posts, this entry has been the hardest to write, not because I have nothing to say but because I have so much to share that I am afraid I would either come off as arrogant, or that I would embarrass my husband because of the things I am willing to share about him and our union. I am also worried that I wont be able to do him justice.

Let me start off with how we met. 

Technically, Max and I first met online (yes, we are trendsetters that way! :-)) when I was only 20 (He was 25 at the time). Although our families knew each other, Max and I never formally met. I met his Mom years before I met him (because at one point his Mom worked for my parents, who owned an Advertising Agency called Charisms), and I met his father first before I met him (coincidentally, I have so many common friends with his father, in spite of the age gap). It was in a private chat room of our Internet Service Provider that Max and I finally “met” after getting to talk to practically all the members of the chat room (he was the last person I met at the chat room). 

What was memorable about our first online conversation (where we first met), was that almost everyone I spoke to in the chat room asked me if I had already met / spoken to him (Max) and that if I haven’t I should, so I was really curious as to why everyone wanted me to meet him, and why everyone was so keen on us meeting online. 

When we finally got to talking, he offered to visit me at my place of work the following day. He knew where I worked because I was at the time working for my parents, and also because my father’s advertising agency (where I was working as an Account Executive and Media Buyer) was just a floor above our ISP’s office (Internet Service Provider, where he also coincidentally used to work before).

We hit it off right away. We would talk relentlessly for hours. Sometimes we would spend the entire afternoon or evening together, and would talk on the phone for hours as soon as we arrived home. We would even email each other often. He knew my story just after maybe a month or two of being friends. 

We were inseparable. I remember that most people assumed we were a couple even if we were just really good friends. I remember that we had to consciously correct people’s assumption because with just a few minutes of seeing us together, we already knew what they were thinking. I didn’t mind because I was happy to be with him, but we felt we needed to set the record straight because we really weren’t a couple.

We hit it off from the get go – we both love Pizza and Chinese food, we loved the same kind of music, we both never run out of things to say and stories to share; and we both have loud voices :-). When we were together, we were always oblivious to the people around us, which I think is the reason why people automatically assumed that we were a couple.

  

Max was an answered prayer. He was the brother and best friend I never had. He was not just a friend, but he was also a confidant, a shoulder to cry on, my personal adviser / counselor, teacher / tutor, big brother, best friend all rolled into one. He sometimes was my driver too as he would take me home to Las Pinas from Makati, even if he lived in Quezon City. Sometimes he even had to play the role of a parent to me. He was all that and more. 

For the first time in my life, I wasn’t afraid because for once in my life, I didn’t feel alone. When something great or bad happened, he was the first one I would call. I always wanted him to be the last one I would talk to at night. For once in my life, I was confident about the decisions I made, because I knew they had his approval. 

He was such a good friend and companion that I slowly regained my confidence. I slowly gained my self-esteem and self-respect back. I was smiling again, dancing and singing again. The shame and guilt I felt as a result of my failed marriage slowly faded into the background because he helped me regain my dignity. It was clear to me that he was heaven sent.

Fast forward to his marriage proposal (in 1998). 

After 2 years of being friends, he felt that the next step was marriage. That is the kind of man he is. But first he asked me if he could get to know the kids more. I had never exposed my kids to the men I dated after my marriage ended, I always made an effort to protect my kids by shielding them from any further confusion. I rarely dated, but when I did, I wouldn’t introduce the kids. 

So after Max got to know the kids more, he finally popped the question. He asked for my hand in marriage. I didn’t say no, but I didn’t say yes either. I only told him I wasn’t ready, and that I didn’t want to ruin the friendship. In spite of the seeming rejection from me, nothing changed. He was still my angel, my confidant, my best friend.

When I finally decided that it was time for me to have my own place, Max was the one who helped me look for an apartment I could afford. I was a mission worker (and I was also doing social communications work) at the time so there weren’t that many options for me. 

When I left the father of my kids, I went back to my parents because at the time, my mother was dying of cancer. She died one year after my marriage ended. But since my father was remarrying, I felt it was time for me to find my own place. 

Max found an apartment 2 blocks from where he lived. I was ecstatic. I would be living so close to my best friend, the man who gave me Hope. He helped me get settled. When I moved to the new apartment, I only had our clothes and a (single sized) mattress. He supplied a sofa, a fan, and a small oven for me and the kids. I remember that the kids and I were eating out of plastics because we couldn’t afford to buy plates or utensils.  I was scared, but I was willing to take on this new challenge because I had my best friend, even if he was dating at the time (while I was still unattached).

 The next few months were the most difficult. I couldn’t afford a yaya so Max became my yaya. While I was at work, he looked after and took care of the kids. 

And then I contracted dengue, and so did my eldest daughter. Max had to spend nights at our apartment to take care of me and my daughter. He had to force-feed me because I refused to eat. I couldn’t take care of my own daughter as I had it worse than her (it was my second time contracting dengue) so he had to be up most nights because my daughter’s fever would get so high, she would have nightmares. Thankfully, I was the only one who needed hospitalization. When I was discharged, it was Max who took me home and took care of everything when I got home. I was surprised to see that we had plastic plates and utensils, a pail, a tabo, and some pans because Max shared my predicament with my office mates and my community and so they helped out.

Max, me, the kids, and Max's cousin Noelle Circa 2000

One night I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking about Max. I thought of him while I was at work, I dreamt about him at night, so I decided to write him a letter. The following day, he asked me again if I was open to the idea of someday marrying him and I finally said yes. That was 15 years ago last October 26.

Circa 2004

He has been a wonderful father to my kids. He was a hands-on dad to them. He would bathe them, put them to bed, and he would read to them (something I was never able to do for my kids). When my kids contracted chickenpox, he stayed up all night every night, just to make sure that they wouldn't scratch. Because I had frequent nightmares, he lulled me to sleep EVERY NIGHT by caressing my hair while singing to me. He does this to this day, he even massages me to sleep.

There are so many things to share about the man I love. I prayed to God for a man I can call my own, but God had better plans. He gave me someone better than the Man of my Dreams. He gave me an Angel. 

Looking back at the 15 years, there were so many things my kids and I learned from Max. A lot of the things we know about History (and Politics!), we learned from Max. He also taught the kids about literature. 

Me and Max 30 years from now :-)

The most important lesson I learned from Max is how to LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY and what Real Love is all about, that it is about caring about the happiness of another person without wanting anything in return.

Mahal, I know this is a late gift but Happy Anniversary. Just thinking of a message for you on our 15th year is making me cry, so I will borrow the words from a song popularized by Celion Dion, written by Dianne Warren. I am not a fan, but the song encapsulates what I have been saying to you all these years. Every sentence in this song is true. What is most especially true is I AM EVERYTHING I AM BECAUSE YOU LOVED ME. 

I love you sooo much. Thank you soooo much for everything and for loving unselflshly and loving me and my kids unconditionally.

BECAUSE YOU LOVED ME

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful, baby

You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through
Through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me.

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach

You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love, I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me

Maybe, I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because
I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me, the tender wind that carried me
The light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me 

❤ Max and I through the Years ❤