Our pets are our angels here on Earth...

To my dearest friend,

I stood by your bed last night; I came to have a peep. 
I could see that you were crying you found it hard to sleep. 
I spoke to you softly as you brushed away a tear, 
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here." 
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea, 
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me. 
I was with you at the shops today; your arms were getting sore. 
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more. 
I was with you at my grave today; you tend it with such care. 
I want to re-assure you, that I'm not lying there. 
I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key. 
I gently put my paw on you; I smiled and said, "it's me." 
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair. 
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there. 
It's possible for me, to be so near you everyday. 
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away." 
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew... 
in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you. 
The day is over... I smile and watch you yawning 
and say "good-night, God bless, I'll see you in the morning." 
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide, 
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side. 
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see. 
Be patient, live your journey out... then come home to me.

(Author Unknown)

*SNIFF*

What is your idea of a Happy Christmas?

Typhoon Ruby PH or Typhoon Hagupit has been hammering the country since yesterday. And as we prepare to “typhoon proof” our home and ensure the safety of the numerous pets that we have, I could not help but ask myself how I define my Christmas, now that I know so many of my kababayans are suffering…

Family at DSWD

Family at DSWD

Around the same time last year, the kids and I volunteered at DSWD to help pack rice and canned goods for the victims of then Typhoon Haiyan / Typhoon Yolanda PH, especially for the badly hit Tacloban. We also decided to offer some of our Christmas money as we knew we had some to spare. We also decided to join Gang Badoy and James Deakin’s project of driving the Tacloban survivors who arrived in Manila, to their relatives. I remember meeting so many great and dedicated people. But sadly, this year might just be a little different…

For starters, our company ROAR is taking a beating. I will save the details for another blog post. Let’s just say that 2014 wasn’t really our year (or at least the latter part of this year wasn’t as good as last year). Second is that our well-loved car, Wendy; has been at the mechanic for over 5 months now (and counting…). Lastly, we might not have as “good a Christmas” compared to last year, and it is just depressing.

After which I wondered, does a bountiful Christmas automatically mean a Happy Christmas? Or if a Christmas celebration is less than what we are accustomed to, does it automatically constitute a sad or a “bad” Christmas?

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful." -- Norman Vincent Peale

After much thought, I realized one thing: the Christmas Season seems to bring out the best in people. I remember thinking, during one of our graveyard shifts at DSWD last year, that so many people REALLY wanted to help, that so many people wanted to make an impact on the lives of others; once given the opportunity to do so. I remember feeling so overwhelmed at the outpouring of love everywhere: At DSWD, at the Villamor Air Base, even at our local barangay. Everyone just wanted to help our poor kababayans whose Christmases will never be the same, because of the loved ones they lost during Typhoon Yolanda.

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!” ― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

A) It is all about GRACE.

Christmas is a season for remembering Christ, celebrating His birth; and in celebration of that birth, we GIVE; just as God gives, through His Grace. We are who we are and we are what we have become, all the good things in us; all through God’s Grace. And it is also through that same Grace that we are able to celebrate His birth with our loved ones, friends, and even co-workers.

Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves. ~Eric Sevareid

B) It is all about GRATITUDE.

Christmas is also a Celebration of Thanks. Giving gifts to the people that we care about signifies that we are thankful and grateful for those people, that through our gift-giving we celebrate who they have become in our lives. It is also a time when we thank God for the gift of Jesus.  

C) It is a Time of GIVING.

Christmas is a time when we think less of ourselves and more of the people around us. It is the time when we give freely, without questions or doubts.

D) It is a Time of REFLECTION.

Christmas is usually a time when we reflect on who we are and what we have become, our lives, and the people around us, we also reflect on the lives of others, of the lives of those we love, of those who have touched us in a deep way. It is a time when we reflect on the good and the bad things we have done.

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. ~Burton Hillis

E) It is a Time for FAMILY.

Christmas is a Time for Family. It is the time of year when we really get to spend quantity and quality time with our families.   

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and the love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas time. ~Laura Ingalls Wilder

F) It is a Time to Feel like a Child again.

Many say that Christmas is for children. Do you remember what it was like for you as a child on Christmas Day? Christmas is a wonderful time for a child, filled with so much anticipation and uncontained excitement. Although many of us parents will say that Christmas is a time of frantic planning and shopping and chaos! I don’t know about you but it is every Christmas that I feel I am a child again. I get excited with the presents I have wrapped for the people I love, all the good food, and my favorite part, expressing to the people I love how much I truly care for them without feeling silly or “weak”.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly. ~Andy Rooney

I just had to insert that saying/quote because the chaos during the holiday season just makes me so emotional, in a good way. I am happy to see that the people I love, loved the food I prepared, and I super love watching their expressions as they open one gift at a time and see the happiness written all over their faces.

“Want to keep Christ in Christmas? Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, care for the ill, love your enemies, and do unto others as you would have done unto you.”

― Steve Maraboli

G) It is about HOPE and FAITH

This is actually my favorite part about Christmas. HOPE (and FAITH).

Christmas is so magical, so powerful, and you feel it in the air; and you feel it everywhere.

But the HOPE in our hearts during Christmas time is even more magical, even more powerful.  Our ability to love one another, to bring hope into our lives and the lives of others, is the greatest of gifts to give and to receive. 

Christmas may be a time for sharing, gift-giving, and celebrating; but the greatest gifts are not those wrapped in colorful bows.  They are gifts given with an open, giving, and vulnerable heart, gifts wrapped in the ribbons of hope and faith in ourselves and in others.

During Christmastime, our HOPE in ourselves and in others multiplies, our faith in ourselves and others restored. Our HOPE for a better tomorrow is rekindled.   

"I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year." 

– Charles Dickens

These are words of wisdom that should be echoed all year long.

Do I still think we are going to have a “bad” or rotten Christmas this year? Maybe. But then again, maybe not. Many are suffering, and the good Lord is giving me and my family a chance to give as God has given. To Give through His Grace because we are grateful for all the things the good Lord has made possible and has blessed us with, all year long. If we do not have much to give monetarily, we will give of ourselves and our time, the same way we did last year; with or without a car. We will give HOPE to those who have none. 

We will give, as we have received.

God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience but shouts in our pain: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world." (C.S. Lewis; 1898-1963)

Adversity, A Discovery of Self

Adversity introduces a man to himself.

-          H. L. MENCKEN

I have known adversity. In fact, I have regular doses of it. I think we all do, maybe some more than most. The thing about making huge mistakes in your life is that it has consequences, and sometimes you live with those consequences for all the days of your life. This has been my life, a life full of adversity; my life for the last 20 years.

By now you know I am a young Mother of three beautiful kids, now ages 20, 19, and 18; and yes all in College. I was 17 when I had my firstborn, my son, Simon Peter. I was 18 when I had my eldest daughter, Chesca. And I was 19 when I had my youngest, Sophia. I was also a high school graduate, with virtually no family to run to for help and guidance.

From left: Sophia, Simon, Chesca

Have you seen the movie Pursuit of Happyness? 

The movie is very close to my heart because the story of Chris Gardner is also very similar to my own story. I remember the days when I used to bring all three of my kids to work. And since I was in Sales Advertising, I had numerous big presentations. I would always be faced with the problem of where I can/should leave the kids while I'm at work. Sometimes, I would get to bring them, oftentimes I would have asked my friends or one of my then-sister-in-laws for help. If those options failed, I would leave them at the playground of Mc Donalds, praying that nobody notices that my kids didn’t have a parent or a yaya with them. I found myself “paying” the guard to look after my kids. Crying out to the heavens to keep my children from harm was a daily prayer.

No permanent home

I also remember moving from one home to another, looking for people who were willing to take us in because we didn’t have a permanent home. Life was really tough for us four. Adversity was so much a part of my life that I learned to deal with it, a day at a time, a problem at a time.

Problems are a part of life

Problems large and small, in different “shapes and sizes”, present themselves to us on a regular basis, regardless of who we are, no matter how well-off we are or financially challenged we are. We will all encounter struggles, difficulties, sadness, challenges, sorrow; heart - wrenching moments that we can’t escape from.

Whether we like it or not, adversity is part of life. In fact, overcoming adversity is one of the biggest hurdles we all have to face.

Learning to deal with and eventually overcoming adversity is what makes us who we are. Every challenge and every difficulty we successfully confront in life serves to strengthen our will, confidence, and ability to conquer future obstacles. It is also the best way for us to discover ourselves.

Herodotus, the Greek philosopher, said, "Adversity has the effect of drawing out strength and qualities of a man that would have lain dormant in its absence."

Around the time that I had to leave the father of my kids, I was only 20. I really didn’t know who I was, didn’t know what I was capable of, where my qualities lie; and most importantly, what my weaknesses were. I discovered all of this through introspection, which became my breakfast, lunch, and dinner during adversity.

My mistake, My problem

You might be thinking, why didn’t I ask for help from the father’s family? Why didn’t I obligate them to help? Or better yet, why didn’t I just allow them to take over? I was about to start a career in modeling (I already had pending projects, tv commercial projects for Colgate, Sunsilk, John Robert Powers etc.).  My then-in-laws really wanted to take over the kids, but according to them, they were only willing to take the kids if the kids stayed with them.

I tried. The kids stayed with my then father and mother-in-law in Baguio, for two weeks, I was living in Manila then. But I had to take them back after only for two weeks because I couldn’t take being away from them. I was crying the entire two weeks I was away from them. I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep, so I took them back.

So many people were trying to convince me that my pride would not be able to feed my kids. But deep in my heart, I knew that there was a very good reason why the Lord blessed me with three kids. Back then though, I had to convince myself every day that God DID have a purpose for entrusting the kids to me. I also had to tell myself every day that it was my mistake therefore my kids were my “problem”.

There were so many times, too many to count when I felt I should just end my life so that the family of the father of my kids can take over.  But adversity allowed me to discover myself, and with the discovery of self came confidence and then hope. Adversity also allowed me to learn so many valuable lessons in life that one can only learn through overcoming adversity. On the flip side, I also discovered my ugly side during adversity (which we should probably save for another blog post-:-)).

When you respond positively and constructively to your biggest challenges, the qualities of strength, courage, character, and perseverance emerges from deep within your soul.

Yes, we are human and we go through self-pity, resentment, anger, and depression. But it is true what they say - Whatever doesn’t break you, makes you stronger. Adversity gives you opportunities to learn wisdom and valuable lessons in life.

Adversity strikes everyone. But it is how you deal with adversity that truly makes a HUGE difference. You can face it head-on or you can stick your head in the sand and pray it goes away. News flash: It NEVER does.

Life isn’t fair, that is the truth; it is also very hard.  We have NO CONTROL over that reality. But what we have control over is how we respond to life and its many obstacles.

We have the ability to fight these obstacles and we have the power to rise above them. Let us NOT allow adversity to prevent us from achieving what we dream of for ourselves or what we feel we are worthy of.

Also, we do not get “delivered from” adversity, we are “delivered in” adversity, which many say is the place where you find God and are one with Him. Adversity allowed me to “find” God again. As soon as I relied on God for strength, wisdom, and clarity; I learned how to have total dependence on God which allowed me to strengthen my FAITH in Him. When I allowed myself to think more clearly and to have faith in the all-knowing God, He continually gave me the grace to let go of self-pity and self-defeating and unproductive thoughts and get down to the business of dealing with what was before me.

When you are going through adversity in your life, look beyond the challenges. Capture a vision of who you can become when you do overcome your adversity – A person YOU WERE MEANT TO BE. While going through these obstacles, See the world of possibilities! See yourself through the eyes of God and His plans for you.

The strain of life is what builds our strength. If there is no strain, there will be no strength. If you deal with your problems all alone and refuse to rely on the strength that only comes from God above, you will have a hard time overcoming adversity. If you completely give of yourself physically, you become exhausted, and you feel defeated. But when you give of yourself spiritually, the good Lord supplies you with more strength. The more you trust, the more the good Lord provides for everything you need: may it be the strength to carry on, an immediate answer to your urgent problem, or the patience to wait.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not the one who does not feel fear, but he who conquers it! Optimism is fixing your eyes on God, looking toward the sun, and moving forward with hope and trust.

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

God loves you!

The Art of Being Still.

One of my resolutions for this year is to find time to sustain this blog and post at least once per week. While I know that this promise to myself is a long shot, I am determined to continue what I have started. 

While currently having to juggle work, motherhood, and school; I still feel that being able to successfully maintain a blog will allow me to better manage my time (as a result of setting aside time to write), and provide me with the outlet I need. Writing allows me to put perspective on my life,  to remind myself of what I need to do, of how I should feel; and it provides me with the clarity I need (when I organize my thoughts through writing).

In this blog post, I want to share with you the Art of Being Still…

“Sometimes you need to sit lonely on the floor in a quiet room in order to hear your own voice and not let it drown in the noise of others.”  

- Charlotte Eriksson

I am the type of person whose mind is always full of thoughts and the racing thoughts can sometimes be deafening.  The noises in my head become louder and more crowded whenever a) I have a problem, b) when I am scared, c) when I am sad, d) when I do something wrong or bad, e) when I disappoint someone or f) when I have a supplication or a petition that I need an immediate solution to.  

When the thoughts in my mind get chaotic, I get really bad anxiety attacks. And when I get anxiety attacks, It feels as though someone is choking me. I get shortness of breath, and I even vomit when the attack gets really bad. I feel this STRONG, desperate need for immediate action. The feeling is so powerful, so overwhelming, that an inner turmoil begins and I lose control of myself.

When we are troubled, scared, and confused, especially when answers to our prayer petitions are delayed; there is this great temptation for us to despair, to feel helpless, hopeless, and to question whether God really cares for us or not. We become depressed and disheartened to the point where we question whether God exists or not.

 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dew).

The saying "When dew is on the grass, the rain will never come to pass" applies here.

According to Wikipedia: "Dew is water in the form of droplets that appears on thin, exposed objects in the morning or evening due to condensation. As the exposed surface cools by radiating its heat, atmospheric moisture condenses at a rate greater than that at which it can evaporate, resulting in the formation of water droplets". 

Just like the formation of dew, we need to cool down, to wait and be quiet; to be Still, Stay Still, and Keep Still, to allow God to work in us and for us; to have A Stillness born of Trust in the Almighty God.

Just like when we get our picture taken. We have to keep still in order for the photographer to capture our likeness on film. When we are in a hurry for answers, we deprive God of the opportunity to work on our behalf. We take action, thus depriving ourselves of the opportunity for God to show us that He really loves us.

Do you ever feel so physically and emotionally weak, so weak that you cease doing anything? When this happens, you lean on a shoulder of a loved one, correct? You rest completely on someone else, trusting in someone else’s strength.

Have you ever hit rock bottom where you are almost absolutely sure that there is no way out when you feel that maybe the Lord is punishing you, for one reason or another, just because He is silent? And when He is silent, you get wearier, more scared, and your anxiety grows. And you wonder and question why God is not answering your prayers, no matter how hard you pray, no matter how long, and no matter how sincere your prayers are.

“There are seasons when to still demand immeasurably higher strength 

than to act.”

Let me tell you something my friend, I can empathize completely. I feel this too. But you know what calms me when I am at my darkest and saddest hour? Is realizing that God’s ways are not my ways. 

Sometimes the seeming setbacks are not setbacks at all but “setups”, for our greatest days ahead. Remember Romans 8:28? 

While in prayer, stand firmly in the promise of God. The purpose of Prayer is to get a hold of God, not to get a hold of an answer from delays. He is at work everyday of our lives. And even if our petitions need immediate action, God's timing is never late; He is also never early. The Lord's timing is Perfect, and He is all-knowing.

"Doing nothing" and keeping still, demands much greater strength than taking action. When we are desperate for actions because we are either scared or overwhelmed, the actions we take are usually born out of impulse and desperation, lacking in thought  and wisdom. Trusting God and being still, restores in us a state of quiet alertness, ready to receive wisdom and guidance from our all-knowing God.

My resolve whenever I feel overwhelmed or scared, whenever God seems to be silent; I Stay and Keep Still. It is not easy, but the Lord has shown me that when I trust in Him, and have faith in Him, He will see me through my darkest hours. And because of this, He has not failed me, not even once! I may not get the answer or solution that I was praying for, but He has given me the solution I need. He is all-knowing, my friend. Trust that whatever solutions He gives, are the best solutions for us.  Trust that there is a reason for his "delays".

My Prayer: In Quiet Stillness, I will Trust. You Oh Lord shall be my strength and I will not falter. I will not lean on my own understanding. I will wait for your Wisdom to guide me. I will tell myself that it is okay that I am not strong enough because you will provide me with the strength I will need to endure my darkest hours. I will believe that you will provide me the Grace to Trust, To be Still, to Let Go, and Let You Take Care of Me.  Amen.

Friend, Be still. Let Go and Let God do His wondrous 

work in us and for us. 

Forgiving and Forgetting have been proven to be intertwined

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."

For a very long time, I was able to convince myself that I have LONG forgiven my transgressors, especially the ones who have hurt me the most. I don't know about you but the people who have hurt me the most are those that I have loved and trusted unconditionally. Sadly, the gravity of the pain these people have directly or indirectly caused were the hardest to forget.

I have had to struggle with Forgiving and Forgetting. All these years, I pretended I had forgiven the people who have hurt me the most. In fact, I would often hear myself saying, that I have forgiven, but have not forgotten, whenever I am reminded of the hurt they have caused. It only dawned on me that I have not only not forgotten, but have also "NOT forgiven", was when I came across a topic in the Psychology of Science Medical Journal about the Psychology of Forgiving and Forgetting, and the fact they are so intertwined that you can't have one without the other.

The study was done by three psychology students (Saima Noreen, Malcolm Mac Leod, Raynette Bierman) of the University of St. Andrews, Scotland. The objective of the study was to answer two very important questions:  Does forgiving help us forget? Or does forgetting empower us to forgive? 

According to Saima Noreen, the link between forgiving and forgetting is made possible by one's mind’s executive control system which gives us the ability to keep upsetting memories out of consciousness.

The three students invited volunteers and studied their general tendencies to "forgive others’ transgressions". They simulated scenarios depicting hypothetical wrong-doings like Slander, Infidelity, Theft; and the transgressor was either a friend, a partner, a parent (or parents), or a colleague. The scenarios depicted had consequences, but with the transgressors' attempt at making amends at the end. 

Questions like: "How serious was the offense?" "How hurtful?" "How sympathetic were they towards the transgressor?" "Forgive or not, Yes or No", were used.

And then the volunteers were subjected to a memory test where they actively tried to forget words associated with the "incidents" simulated with the premise, and the result was undeniable: An Act of Forgiving increased the victim’s ability to forget and put misfortunes out of awareness. The ability to forget unpleasantness was very much linked to the actual act of forgiving, and not just the propensity to be gracious, that Forgiving and Forgetting reinforced one another in the human mind.

Forgiveness is effortful at first. People who manage it are better at setting aside bitter thoughts. But according to the study, Forgetting may in turn provide an effective coping strategy, enabling people to move on and ultimately find forgiveness in their hearts.

"There's no point in burying a hatchet if you're going to put up a 

marker on the site."

All these years, I thought to myself that what was important was that I have forgiven the sins, that forgiveness was something that I needed to do, but that forgetting was something no one can demand or expect from me, simply because I was only human. But then I realized after reading the study that it really Trust that takes time, not so much “Forgetting” what actually happened.

I also realized that by not forgiving (and forgetting), I was actually harboring past hurts, and harboring past hurts, can take a toll on your health, and your happiness.

Forgetting especially trusting again is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, and it is a decision I have to make every day.  I continue to make this decision (of forgiving, forgetting, and hopefully one day trusting again), because of the following reasons…

a) We all make mistakes.

b) We are all weak.

c) That the person is worth forgiving.

But the most important reason is that I want to be released from the chains that bind me. If there is one thing I know, is that by not forgiving, I am living in the past. The essence of forgiveness is reminding yourself that you can never change what happened, but that it does not mean the past will still continue to prevent you from being happy, this includes letting go of your anger for the person/s and the wrong doing/s.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." 

- Mahatma Gandhi

If you're just holding on to anger because you're hurt, try these steps:

1.       Look at the situation objectively instead of personally.

2.       Acknowledge that you will have to forgive in order to move forward.

3.       Trust that the person who wronged you is really sorry.

4.       Know that your friend (probably) did not try to hurt you intentionally.

5.       Accept the lesson (if there is one).

I have LOST COUNT of the number of times the good Lord has forgiven me. Do I want him to judge me, the same way I am judging the person who hurt me the most? Forgiving others should be the same as God forgives us – Immediate and for all. You wouldn’t want him to play favorites, do you? I pray that I see everyone through God’s eyes of Grace and Forgiveness.

"Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast." - Marlene Dietrich

Source:
Psychology of Forgiving