The Art of Being Still.

One of my resolutions for this year is to find time to sustain this blog and post at least once per week. While I know that this promise to myself is a long shot, I am determined to continue what I have started. 

While currently having to juggle work, motherhood, and school; I still feel that being able to successfully maintain a blog will allow me to better manage my time (as a result of setting aside time to write), and provide me with the outlet I need. Writing allows me to put perspective on my life,  to remind myself of what I need to do, of how I should feel; and it provides me with the clarity I need (when I organize my thoughts through writing).

In this blog post, I want to share with you the Art of Being Still…

“Sometimes you need to sit lonely on the floor in a quiet room in order to hear your own voice and not let it drown in the noise of others.”  

- Charlotte Eriksson

I am the type of person whose mind is always full of thoughts and the racing thoughts can sometimes be deafening.  The noises in my head become louder and more crowded whenever a) I have a problem, b) when I am scared, c) when I am sad, d) when I do something wrong or bad, e) when I disappoint someone or f) when I have a supplication or a petition that I need an immediate solution to.  

When the thoughts in my mind get chaotic, I get really bad anxiety attacks. And when I get anxiety attacks, It feels as though someone is choking me. I get shortness of breath, and I even vomit when the attack gets really bad. I feel this STRONG, desperate need for immediate action. The feeling is so powerful, so overwhelming, that an inner turmoil begins and I lose control of myself.

When we are troubled, scared, and confused, especially when answers to our prayer petitions are delayed; there is this great temptation for us to despair, to feel helpless, hopeless, and to question whether God really cares for us or not. We become depressed and disheartened to the point where we question whether God exists or not.

 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dew).

The saying "When dew is on the grass, the rain will never come to pass" applies here.

According to Wikipedia: "Dew is water in the form of droplets that appears on thin, exposed objects in the morning or evening due to condensation. As the exposed surface cools by radiating its heat, atmospheric moisture condenses at a rate greater than that at which it can evaporate, resulting in the formation of water droplets". 

Just like the formation of dew, we need to cool down, to wait and be quiet; to be Still, Stay Still, and Keep Still, to allow God to work in us and for us; to have A Stillness born of Trust in the Almighty God.

Just like when we get our picture taken. We have to keep still in order for the photographer to capture our likeness on film. When we are in a hurry for answers, we deprive God of the opportunity to work on our behalf. We take action, thus depriving ourselves of the opportunity for God to show us that He really loves us.

Do you ever feel so physically and emotionally weak, so weak that you cease doing anything? When this happens, you lean on a shoulder of a loved one, correct? You rest completely on someone else, trusting in someone else’s strength.

Have you ever hit rock bottom where you are almost absolutely sure that there is no way out when you feel that maybe the Lord is punishing you, for one reason or another, just because He is silent? And when He is silent, you get wearier, more scared, and your anxiety grows. And you wonder and question why God is not answering your prayers, no matter how hard you pray, no matter how long, and no matter how sincere your prayers are.

“There are seasons when to still demand immeasurably higher strength 

than to act.”

Let me tell you something my friend, I can empathize completely. I feel this too. But you know what calms me when I am at my darkest and saddest hour? Is realizing that God’s ways are not my ways. 

Sometimes the seeming setbacks are not setbacks at all but “setups”, for our greatest days ahead. Remember Romans 8:28? 

While in prayer, stand firmly in the promise of God. The purpose of Prayer is to get a hold of God, not to get a hold of an answer from delays. He is at work everyday of our lives. And even if our petitions need immediate action, God's timing is never late; He is also never early. The Lord's timing is Perfect, and He is all-knowing.

"Doing nothing" and keeping still, demands much greater strength than taking action. When we are desperate for actions because we are either scared or overwhelmed, the actions we take are usually born out of impulse and desperation, lacking in thought  and wisdom. Trusting God and being still, restores in us a state of quiet alertness, ready to receive wisdom and guidance from our all-knowing God.

My resolve whenever I feel overwhelmed or scared, whenever God seems to be silent; I Stay and Keep Still. It is not easy, but the Lord has shown me that when I trust in Him, and have faith in Him, He will see me through my darkest hours. And because of this, He has not failed me, not even once! I may not get the answer or solution that I was praying for, but He has given me the solution I need. He is all-knowing, my friend. Trust that whatever solutions He gives, are the best solutions for us.  Trust that there is a reason for his "delays".

My Prayer: In Quiet Stillness, I will Trust. You Oh Lord shall be my strength and I will not falter. I will not lean on my own understanding. I will wait for your Wisdom to guide me. I will tell myself that it is okay that I am not strong enough because you will provide me with the strength I will need to endure my darkest hours. I will believe that you will provide me the Grace to Trust, To be Still, to Let Go, and Let You Take Care of Me.  Amen.

Friend, Be still. Let Go and Let God do His wondrous 

work in us and for us. 

Forgiving and Forgetting have been proven to be intertwined

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."

For a very long time, I was able to convince myself that I have LONG forgiven my transgressors, especially the ones who have hurt me the most. I don't know about you but the people who have hurt me the most are those that I have loved and trusted unconditionally. Sadly, the gravity of the pain these people have directly or indirectly caused were the hardest to forget.

I have had to struggle with Forgiving and Forgetting. All these years, I pretended I had forgiven the people who have hurt me the most. In fact, I would often hear myself saying, that I have forgiven, but have not forgotten, whenever I am reminded of the hurt they have caused. It only dawned on me that I have not only not forgotten, but have also "NOT forgiven", was when I came across a topic in the Psychology of Science Medical Journal about the Psychology of Forgiving and Forgetting, and the fact they are so intertwined that you can't have one without the other.

The study was done by three psychology students (Saima Noreen, Malcolm Mac Leod, Raynette Bierman) of the University of St. Andrews, Scotland. The objective of the study was to answer two very important questions:  Does forgiving help us forget? Or does forgetting empower us to forgive? 

According to Saima Noreen, the link between forgiving and forgetting is made possible by one's mind’s executive control system which gives us the ability to keep upsetting memories out of consciousness.

The three students invited volunteers and studied their general tendencies to "forgive others’ transgressions". They simulated scenarios depicting hypothetical wrong-doings like Slander, Infidelity, Theft; and the transgressor was either a friend, a partner, a parent (or parents), or a colleague. The scenarios depicted had consequences, but with the transgressors' attempt at making amends at the end. 

Questions like: "How serious was the offense?" "How hurtful?" "How sympathetic were they towards the transgressor?" "Forgive or not, Yes or No", were used.

And then the volunteers were subjected to a memory test where they actively tried to forget words associated with the "incidents" simulated with the premise, and the result was undeniable: An Act of Forgiving increased the victim’s ability to forget and put misfortunes out of awareness. The ability to forget unpleasantness was very much linked to the actual act of forgiving, and not just the propensity to be gracious, that Forgiving and Forgetting reinforced one another in the human mind.

Forgiveness is effortful at first. People who manage it are better at setting aside bitter thoughts. But according to the study, Forgetting may in turn provide an effective coping strategy, enabling people to move on and ultimately find forgiveness in their hearts.

"There's no point in burying a hatchet if you're going to put up a 

marker on the site."

All these years, I thought to myself that what was important was that I have forgiven the sins, that forgiveness was something that I needed to do, but that forgetting was something no one can demand or expect from me, simply because I was only human. But then I realized after reading the study that it really Trust that takes time, not so much “Forgetting” what actually happened.

I also realized that by not forgiving (and forgetting), I was actually harboring past hurts, and harboring past hurts, can take a toll on your health, and your happiness.

Forgetting especially trusting again is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, and it is a decision I have to make every day.  I continue to make this decision (of forgiving, forgetting, and hopefully one day trusting again), because of the following reasons…

a) We all make mistakes.

b) We are all weak.

c) That the person is worth forgiving.

But the most important reason is that I want to be released from the chains that bind me. If there is one thing I know, is that by not forgiving, I am living in the past. The essence of forgiveness is reminding yourself that you can never change what happened, but that it does not mean the past will still continue to prevent you from being happy, this includes letting go of your anger for the person/s and the wrong doing/s.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." 

- Mahatma Gandhi

If you're just holding on to anger because you're hurt, try these steps:

1.       Look at the situation objectively instead of personally.

2.       Acknowledge that you will have to forgive in order to move forward.

3.       Trust that the person who wronged you is really sorry.

4.       Know that your friend (probably) did not try to hurt you intentionally.

5.       Accept the lesson (if there is one).

I have LOST COUNT of the number of times the good Lord has forgiven me. Do I want him to judge me, the same way I am judging the person who hurt me the most? Forgiving others should be the same as God forgives us – Immediate and for all. You wouldn’t want him to play favorites, do you? I pray that I see everyone through God’s eyes of Grace and Forgiveness.

"Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast." - Marlene Dietrich

Source:
Psychology of Forgiving