Adversity, A Discovery of Self

Adversity introduces a man to himself.

-          H. L. MENCKEN

I have known adversity. In fact, I have regular doses of it. I think we all do, maybe some more than most. The thing about making huge mistakes in your life is that it has consequences, and sometimes you live with those consequences for all the days of your life. This has been my life, a life full of adversity; my life for the last 20 years.

By now you know I am a young Mother of three beautiful kids, now ages 20, 19, and 18; and yes all in College. I was 17 when I had my firstborn, my son, Simon Peter. I was 18 when I had my eldest daughter, Chesca. And I was 19 when I had my youngest, Sophia. I was also a high school graduate, with virtually no family to run to for help and guidance.

From left: Sophia, Simon, Chesca

Have you seen the movie Pursuit of Happyness? 

The movie is very close to my heart because the story of Chris Gardner is also very similar to my own story. I remember the days when I used to bring all three of my kids to work. And since I was in Sales Advertising, I had numerous big presentations. I would always be faced with the problem of where I can/should leave the kids while I'm at work. Sometimes, I would get to bring them, oftentimes I would have asked my friends or one of my then-sister-in-laws for help. If those options failed, I would leave them at the playground of Mc Donalds, praying that nobody notices that my kids didn’t have a parent or a yaya with them. I found myself “paying” the guard to look after my kids. Crying out to the heavens to keep my children from harm was a daily prayer.

No permanent home

I also remember moving from one home to another, looking for people who were willing to take us in because we didn’t have a permanent home. Life was really tough for us four. Adversity was so much a part of my life that I learned to deal with it, a day at a time, a problem at a time.

Problems are a part of life

Problems large and small, in different “shapes and sizes”, present themselves to us on a regular basis, regardless of who we are, no matter how well-off we are or financially challenged we are. We will all encounter struggles, difficulties, sadness, challenges, sorrow; heart - wrenching moments that we can’t escape from.

Whether we like it or not, adversity is part of life. In fact, overcoming adversity is one of the biggest hurdles we all have to face.

Learning to deal with and eventually overcoming adversity is what makes us who we are. Every challenge and every difficulty we successfully confront in life serves to strengthen our will, confidence, and ability to conquer future obstacles. It is also the best way for us to discover ourselves.

Herodotus, the Greek philosopher, said, "Adversity has the effect of drawing out strength and qualities of a man that would have lain dormant in its absence."

Around the time that I had to leave the father of my kids, I was only 20. I really didn’t know who I was, didn’t know what I was capable of, where my qualities lie; and most importantly, what my weaknesses were. I discovered all of this through introspection, which became my breakfast, lunch, and dinner during adversity.

My mistake, My problem

You might be thinking, why didn’t I ask for help from the father’s family? Why didn’t I obligate them to help? Or better yet, why didn’t I just allow them to take over? I was about to start a career in modeling (I already had pending projects, tv commercial projects for Colgate, Sunsilk, John Robert Powers etc.).  My then-in-laws really wanted to take over the kids, but according to them, they were only willing to take the kids if the kids stayed with them.

I tried. The kids stayed with my then father and mother-in-law in Baguio, for two weeks, I was living in Manila then. But I had to take them back after only for two weeks because I couldn’t take being away from them. I was crying the entire two weeks I was away from them. I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep, so I took them back.

So many people were trying to convince me that my pride would not be able to feed my kids. But deep in my heart, I knew that there was a very good reason why the Lord blessed me with three kids. Back then though, I had to convince myself every day that God DID have a purpose for entrusting the kids to me. I also had to tell myself every day that it was my mistake therefore my kids were my “problem”.

There were so many times, too many to count when I felt I should just end my life so that the family of the father of my kids can take over.  But adversity allowed me to discover myself, and with the discovery of self came confidence and then hope. Adversity also allowed me to learn so many valuable lessons in life that one can only learn through overcoming adversity. On the flip side, I also discovered my ugly side during adversity (which we should probably save for another blog post-:-)).

When you respond positively and constructively to your biggest challenges, the qualities of strength, courage, character, and perseverance emerges from deep within your soul.

Yes, we are human and we go through self-pity, resentment, anger, and depression. But it is true what they say - Whatever doesn’t break you, makes you stronger. Adversity gives you opportunities to learn wisdom and valuable lessons in life.

Adversity strikes everyone. But it is how you deal with adversity that truly makes a HUGE difference. You can face it head-on or you can stick your head in the sand and pray it goes away. News flash: It NEVER does.

Life isn’t fair, that is the truth; it is also very hard.  We have NO CONTROL over that reality. But what we have control over is how we respond to life and its many obstacles.

We have the ability to fight these obstacles and we have the power to rise above them. Let us NOT allow adversity to prevent us from achieving what we dream of for ourselves or what we feel we are worthy of.

Also, we do not get “delivered from” adversity, we are “delivered in” adversity, which many say is the place where you find God and are one with Him. Adversity allowed me to “find” God again. As soon as I relied on God for strength, wisdom, and clarity; I learned how to have total dependence on God which allowed me to strengthen my FAITH in Him. When I allowed myself to think more clearly and to have faith in the all-knowing God, He continually gave me the grace to let go of self-pity and self-defeating and unproductive thoughts and get down to the business of dealing with what was before me.

When you are going through adversity in your life, look beyond the challenges. Capture a vision of who you can become when you do overcome your adversity – A person YOU WERE MEANT TO BE. While going through these obstacles, See the world of possibilities! See yourself through the eyes of God and His plans for you.

The strain of life is what builds our strength. If there is no strain, there will be no strength. If you deal with your problems all alone and refuse to rely on the strength that only comes from God above, you will have a hard time overcoming adversity. If you completely give of yourself physically, you become exhausted, and you feel defeated. But when you give of yourself spiritually, the good Lord supplies you with more strength. The more you trust, the more the good Lord provides for everything you need: may it be the strength to carry on, an immediate answer to your urgent problem, or the patience to wait.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not the one who does not feel fear, but he who conquers it! Optimism is fixing your eyes on God, looking toward the sun, and moving forward with hope and trust.

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

God loves you!