Relying on God’s Providence

What does it really mean when one says to Rely on God’s Providence?

What does it take to truly trust in times of lack and to focus on God as the source of all blessings?

I do not come from a well-to-do family.  As far as I can recall, we were always financially troubled. I remember daily measured meals, very little baon for school that left me and my sister hungry all day, delayed payment of our school tuition etc. I remember regularly praying to God that my family’s situation changed and it did years later. Although honestly when it did, I was no longer living in my parents' home (I “left” home when I was 16), and because of this, I really didn’t get to “enjoy” the comforts of not having to worry about money. Sadly, that respite from financial woes was short lived because my Mom was stricken with Cancer and she died 6 to about 7 years after she was diagnosed.

When I left home I was barely 17, just out of high school; and I was pregnant with my first born. I knew that life promised to be much harder because of my situation; little did I know that it was going to get a lot worse because 2 years later, I was a Mom of three; and just aged 20.

Life was much more difficult not only because I already had three kids by the time I was a 19, but also because I was just a high school graduate with virtually no one to turn to, no family to run to for help.  

When I first struck out on my own with my kids in tow, we would eat our meals in plastic bags because we didn't have money to buy plates or utensils. All our rented apartment had was one (single) bed (no, mattress), a fan, and a few of our clothes. No chairs or tables, no stove, no pans; our home was bare.

I remember times when we would eat dried food every day. You know, those tiny dried shrimps you see in the supermarket? We would buy those and fry them with eggs, which would hurt our tongues. We would also regularly have either dried fish or eggs for lunch and dinner. Our “listahan” (list of debts) at the nearby store would reach over a thousand pesos, to the point where the owner of the store refused to allow us to "buy" from her store. I remember having to buy water for bathing and for washing because our water was cut off. I remember not having electricity for over a month. Skipping meals was a regular ritual as I had to have enough money to get home. 

It was so hard to get up in the morning because of all the struggles we were facing every day, and for years. It felt like each day was sucking the life out of me. I would cry at work almost every day (if not every day), begging God that He change our situation because my kids didn’t deserve the life we had. I was quick to remind myself however that there was a very GOOD reason why the Lord blessed me with three amazing kids. The future looked so bleak, but I knew that I wasn't alone. Every time my day would seem unbearable, I would cry to the Lord in prayer; and every single time, He assured me that He was in control. 

It was so tempting to just lay in bed and feel sorry for myself, but I knew that I coudn't afford to feel sorry for myself because my family was counting on me. I had to work. I prayed every time I was angry. I prayed every time I felt the urge to give up my kids by turning them over to the parents of their father. I even prayed every time I was sad, or hungry, or physically sick. 

What was clear to me was that He was working on my behalf. At every turn, He sent either a friend that would offer to feed me, just when I was so hungry. He sent job offers with higher pay, when our bills were starting to pile up. He sent countless of earthly angels to make me and my family feel that we were not alone. Just when we didn't even have money to buy our next meal, someone would arrive at our doorstep with groceries. He assured me every day that I wasn't alone. He reminded me every day that we were taken care of. 

What I thought were wrong decisions, were blessings in disguise. I look back at my life and I realize that every single thing that happened to us, was a link in a chain, and were all necessary to bring me where I am today. The hand of God was so evident at every chapter of my life that I learned to depend on His Goodness and Generosity, most especially His Mercy. 

Because of all that we have been through, I learned to be content with whatever blessings I had. I started counting my blessings - I always had a good paying job, I was always surrounded by people who never judged me. I was given a partner in life because God said I wasn't meant to be alone. My partner helped me raise my kids and He helped take care of my family. God blessed my kids with talents. God blessed me with talents.

I now have a small business that is financially able to send my kids to good colleges. We still have our financial concerns (who doesn’t?) especially since the cost of a college education has now tripled compared to when I was in school.

In spite of what my kids and I experienced (continue to experience), I believe that God doesn’t want us to suffer. I believe that in order for us to experience the happiness and contentment God wants for us, we have to be committed to a certain process. We must remember pain and difficulties are there to teach us.

Romans 8:28 says that: 

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

I wake up each day knowing that God is causing all things to work together for my good. I am grateful for the “process” I have to go through. From observation, we always experience the hardest before a God-given break though. I keep my mind and my heart open to what God is trying to teach me, what He is trying to do in my life. In spite of still experiencing financial difficulties, my family and I have come a long way! We now live in confidence each day, knowing that the God of all Gods is at work, and that His workmanship in me is unfolding slowly right before our eyes.

It seems in this day and age, there is always something to worry about. We worry a lot about our finances because living has gotten too expensive. We worry about our relationships, our job situations; and a never ending to-do list to name a few. 

Do you know that God knows every single detail and every thought that consumes our lives? He has a great plan for us no matter how overwhelming our situation is.

Sometimes all He asks is that we not worry. All He wants from us is a thankful heart, to be calm and to truly believe that nothing is too great for him.

Do you believe in this? Do you believe that you have a GREAT God?

I sometimes “tell” my problems that I have a BIG God. I try not to say my problems are HUGE (even if they often feel overwhelmingly so!). I always “say” to (my) Debt: Debt! My God is a BIG God!

Phil. 4:8 said that we should fix our thoughts on what we can thank God for, that we shouldn’t focus on the lack; that we should fix our thoughts on what is Good in our life.

Try to speak blessings over your work. Believe and Stand in Faith because Provision will come. As you wait for the manifestation, your faith grows. Know and believe where real help comes from. Run to God.  He is your provider. Do not be afraid or dismayed. Rest in His Goodness & Grace.

John 14:13, 14  - Whatever you ask in my name, I will do it.

John 16:23,24 - Whatever you ask my father in my name, I will do... so that your JOY will be FULL.

Lord, I thank you for beginning a great work in me. No matter how difficult things might seem and no matter if I don't fully understand all that you are doing, I know I can trust you! I choose happiness today for my life because I know you are going to complete the great work in me. I know that I will lack nothing because of your great love and plan for me.

Father, you know every detail that concerns my heart today. You have said that I don’t have to carry these burdens and challenges alone. I am asking you to carry them with me. I thank you for the promise of peace that is beyond human understanding, as I trust in you! 

In Jesus’ name,  

Amen.

  

Our pets are our angels here on Earth...

To my dearest friend,

I stood by your bed last night; I came to have a peep. 
I could see that you were crying you found it hard to sleep. 
I spoke to you softly as you brushed away a tear, 
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here." 
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea, 
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me. 
I was with you at the shops today; your arms were getting sore. 
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more. 
I was with you at my grave today; you tend it with such care. 
I want to re-assure you, that I'm not lying there. 
I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key. 
I gently put my paw on you; I smiled and said, "it's me." 
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair. 
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there. 
It's possible for me, to be so near you everyday. 
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away." 
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew... 
in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you. 
The day is over... I smile and watch you yawning 
and say "good-night, God bless, I'll see you in the morning." 
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide, 
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side. 
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see. 
Be patient, live your journey out... then come home to me.

(Author Unknown)

*SNIFF*

What is your idea of a Happy Christmas?

Typhoon Ruby PH or Typhoon Hagupit has been hammering the country since yesterday. And as we prepare to “typhoon proof” our home and ensure the safety of the numerous pets that we have, I could not help but ask myself how I define my Christmas, now that I know so many of my kababayans are suffering…

Family at DSWD

Family at DSWD

Around the same time last year, the kids and I volunteered at DSWD to help pack rice and canned goods for the victims of then Typhoon Haiyan / Typhoon Yolanda PH, especially for the badly hit Tacloban. We also decided to offer some of our Christmas money as we knew we had some to spare. We also decided to join Gang Badoy and James Deakin’s project of driving the Tacloban survivors who arrived in Manila, to their relatives. I remember meeting so many great and dedicated people. But sadly, this year might just be a little different…

For starters, our company ROAR is taking a beating. I will save the details for another blog post. Let’s just say that 2014 wasn’t really our year (or at least the latter part of this year wasn’t as good as last year). Second is that our well-loved car, Wendy; has been at the mechanic for over 5 months now (and counting…). Lastly, we might not have as “good a Christmas” compared to last year, and it is just depressing.

After which I wondered, does a bountiful Christmas automatically mean a Happy Christmas? Or if a Christmas celebration is less than what we are accustomed to, does it automatically constitute a sad or a “bad” Christmas?

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful." -- Norman Vincent Peale

After much thought, I realized one thing: the Christmas Season seems to bring out the best in people. I remember thinking, during one of our graveyard shifts at DSWD last year, that so many people REALLY wanted to help, that so many people wanted to make an impact on the lives of others; once given the opportunity to do so. I remember feeling so overwhelmed at the outpouring of love everywhere: At DSWD, at the Villamor Air Base, even at our local barangay. Everyone just wanted to help our poor kababayans whose Christmases will never be the same, because of the loved ones they lost during Typhoon Yolanda.

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!” ― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

A) It is all about GRACE.

Christmas is a season for remembering Christ, celebrating His birth; and in celebration of that birth, we GIVE; just as God gives, through His Grace. We are who we are and we are what we have become, all the good things in us; all through God’s Grace. And it is also through that same Grace that we are able to celebrate His birth with our loved ones, friends, and even co-workers.

Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves. ~Eric Sevareid

B) It is all about GRATITUDE.

Christmas is also a Celebration of Thanks. Giving gifts to the people that we care about signifies that we are thankful and grateful for those people, that through our gift-giving we celebrate who they have become in our lives. It is also a time when we thank God for the gift of Jesus.  

C) It is a Time of GIVING.

Christmas is a time when we think less of ourselves and more of the people around us. It is the time when we give freely, without questions or doubts.

D) It is a Time of REFLECTION.

Christmas is usually a time when we reflect on who we are and what we have become, our lives, and the people around us, we also reflect on the lives of others, of the lives of those we love, of those who have touched us in a deep way. It is a time when we reflect on the good and the bad things we have done.

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. ~Burton Hillis

E) It is a Time for FAMILY.

Christmas is a Time for Family. It is the time of year when we really get to spend quantity and quality time with our families.   

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and the love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas time. ~Laura Ingalls Wilder

F) It is a Time to Feel like a Child again.

Many say that Christmas is for children. Do you remember what it was like for you as a child on Christmas Day? Christmas is a wonderful time for a child, filled with so much anticipation and uncontained excitement. Although many of us parents will say that Christmas is a time of frantic planning and shopping and chaos! I don’t know about you but it is every Christmas that I feel I am a child again. I get excited with the presents I have wrapped for the people I love, all the good food, and my favorite part, expressing to the people I love how much I truly care for them without feeling silly or “weak”.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly. ~Andy Rooney

I just had to insert that saying/quote because the chaos during the holiday season just makes me so emotional, in a good way. I am happy to see that the people I love, loved the food I prepared, and I super love watching their expressions as they open one gift at a time and see the happiness written all over their faces.

“Want to keep Christ in Christmas? Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, care for the ill, love your enemies, and do unto others as you would have done unto you.”

― Steve Maraboli

G) It is about HOPE and FAITH

This is actually my favorite part about Christmas. HOPE (and FAITH).

Christmas is so magical, so powerful, and you feel it in the air; and you feel it everywhere.

But the HOPE in our hearts during Christmas time is even more magical, even more powerful.  Our ability to love one another, to bring hope into our lives and the lives of others, is the greatest of gifts to give and to receive. 

Christmas may be a time for sharing, gift-giving, and celebrating; but the greatest gifts are not those wrapped in colorful bows.  They are gifts given with an open, giving, and vulnerable heart, gifts wrapped in the ribbons of hope and faith in ourselves and in others.

During Christmastime, our HOPE in ourselves and in others multiplies, our faith in ourselves and others restored. Our HOPE for a better tomorrow is rekindled.   

"I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year." 

– Charles Dickens

These are words of wisdom that should be echoed all year long.

Do I still think we are going to have a “bad” or rotten Christmas this year? Maybe. But then again, maybe not. Many are suffering, and the good Lord is giving me and my family a chance to give as God has given. To Give through His Grace because we are grateful for all the things the good Lord has made possible and has blessed us with, all year long. If we do not have much to give monetarily, we will give of ourselves and our time, the same way we did last year; with or without a car. We will give HOPE to those who have none. 

We will give, as we have received.

God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience but shouts in our pain: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world." (C.S. Lewis; 1898-1963)

Adversity, A Discovery of Self

Adversity introduces a man to himself.

-          H. L. MENCKEN

I have known adversity. In fact, I have regular doses of it. I think we all do, maybe some more than most. The thing about making huge mistakes in your life is that it has consequences, and sometimes you live with those consequences for all the days of your life. This has been my life, a life full of adversity; my life for the last 20 years.

By now you know I am a young Mother of three beautiful kids, now ages 20, 19, and 18; and yes all in College. I was 17 when I had my firstborn, my son, Simon Peter. I was 18 when I had my eldest daughter, Chesca. And I was 19 when I had my youngest, Sophia. I was also a high school graduate, with virtually no family to run to for help and guidance.

From left: Sophia, Simon, Chesca

Have you seen the movie Pursuit of Happyness? 

The movie is very close to my heart because the story of Chris Gardner is also very similar to my own story. I remember the days when I used to bring all three of my kids to work. And since I was in Sales Advertising, I had numerous big presentations. I would always be faced with the problem of where I can/should leave the kids while I'm at work. Sometimes, I would get to bring them, oftentimes I would have asked my friends or one of my then-sister-in-laws for help. If those options failed, I would leave them at the playground of Mc Donalds, praying that nobody notices that my kids didn’t have a parent or a yaya with them. I found myself “paying” the guard to look after my kids. Crying out to the heavens to keep my children from harm was a daily prayer.

No permanent home

I also remember moving from one home to another, looking for people who were willing to take us in because we didn’t have a permanent home. Life was really tough for us four. Adversity was so much a part of my life that I learned to deal with it, a day at a time, a problem at a time.

Problems are a part of life

Problems large and small, in different “shapes and sizes”, present themselves to us on a regular basis, regardless of who we are, no matter how well-off we are or financially challenged we are. We will all encounter struggles, difficulties, sadness, challenges, sorrow; heart - wrenching moments that we can’t escape from.

Whether we like it or not, adversity is part of life. In fact, overcoming adversity is one of the biggest hurdles we all have to face.

Learning to deal with and eventually overcoming adversity is what makes us who we are. Every challenge and every difficulty we successfully confront in life serves to strengthen our will, confidence, and ability to conquer future obstacles. It is also the best way for us to discover ourselves.

Herodotus, the Greek philosopher, said, "Adversity has the effect of drawing out strength and qualities of a man that would have lain dormant in its absence."

Around the time that I had to leave the father of my kids, I was only 20. I really didn’t know who I was, didn’t know what I was capable of, where my qualities lie; and most importantly, what my weaknesses were. I discovered all of this through introspection, which became my breakfast, lunch, and dinner during adversity.

My mistake, My problem

You might be thinking, why didn’t I ask for help from the father’s family? Why didn’t I obligate them to help? Or better yet, why didn’t I just allow them to take over? I was about to start a career in modeling (I already had pending projects, tv commercial projects for Colgate, Sunsilk, John Robert Powers etc.).  My then-in-laws really wanted to take over the kids, but according to them, they were only willing to take the kids if the kids stayed with them.

I tried. The kids stayed with my then father and mother-in-law in Baguio, for two weeks, I was living in Manila then. But I had to take them back after only for two weeks because I couldn’t take being away from them. I was crying the entire two weeks I was away from them. I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep, so I took them back.

So many people were trying to convince me that my pride would not be able to feed my kids. But deep in my heart, I knew that there was a very good reason why the Lord blessed me with three kids. Back then though, I had to convince myself every day that God DID have a purpose for entrusting the kids to me. I also had to tell myself every day that it was my mistake therefore my kids were my “problem”.

There were so many times, too many to count when I felt I should just end my life so that the family of the father of my kids can take over.  But adversity allowed me to discover myself, and with the discovery of self came confidence and then hope. Adversity also allowed me to learn so many valuable lessons in life that one can only learn through overcoming adversity. On the flip side, I also discovered my ugly side during adversity (which we should probably save for another blog post-:-)).

When you respond positively and constructively to your biggest challenges, the qualities of strength, courage, character, and perseverance emerges from deep within your soul.

Yes, we are human and we go through self-pity, resentment, anger, and depression. But it is true what they say - Whatever doesn’t break you, makes you stronger. Adversity gives you opportunities to learn wisdom and valuable lessons in life.

Adversity strikes everyone. But it is how you deal with adversity that truly makes a HUGE difference. You can face it head-on or you can stick your head in the sand and pray it goes away. News flash: It NEVER does.

Life isn’t fair, that is the truth; it is also very hard.  We have NO CONTROL over that reality. But what we have control over is how we respond to life and its many obstacles.

We have the ability to fight these obstacles and we have the power to rise above them. Let us NOT allow adversity to prevent us from achieving what we dream of for ourselves or what we feel we are worthy of.

Also, we do not get “delivered from” adversity, we are “delivered in” adversity, which many say is the place where you find God and are one with Him. Adversity allowed me to “find” God again. As soon as I relied on God for strength, wisdom, and clarity; I learned how to have total dependence on God which allowed me to strengthen my FAITH in Him. When I allowed myself to think more clearly and to have faith in the all-knowing God, He continually gave me the grace to let go of self-pity and self-defeating and unproductive thoughts and get down to the business of dealing with what was before me.

When you are going through adversity in your life, look beyond the challenges. Capture a vision of who you can become when you do overcome your adversity – A person YOU WERE MEANT TO BE. While going through these obstacles, See the world of possibilities! See yourself through the eyes of God and His plans for you.

The strain of life is what builds our strength. If there is no strain, there will be no strength. If you deal with your problems all alone and refuse to rely on the strength that only comes from God above, you will have a hard time overcoming adversity. If you completely give of yourself physically, you become exhausted, and you feel defeated. But when you give of yourself spiritually, the good Lord supplies you with more strength. The more you trust, the more the good Lord provides for everything you need: may it be the strength to carry on, an immediate answer to your urgent problem, or the patience to wait.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not the one who does not feel fear, but he who conquers it! Optimism is fixing your eyes on God, looking toward the sun, and moving forward with hope and trust.

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

God loves you!

The Art of Being Still.

One of my resolutions for this year is to find time to sustain this blog and post at least once per week. While I know that this promise to myself is a long shot, I am determined to continue what I have started. 

While currently having to juggle work, motherhood, and school; I still feel that being able to successfully maintain a blog will allow me to better manage my time (as a result of setting aside time to write), and provide me with the outlet I need. Writing allows me to put perspective on my life,  to remind myself of what I need to do, of how I should feel; and it provides me with the clarity I need (when I organize my thoughts through writing).

In this blog post, I want to share with you the Art of Being Still…

“Sometimes you need to sit lonely on the floor in a quiet room in order to hear your own voice and not let it drown in the noise of others.”  

- Charlotte Eriksson

I am the type of person whose mind is always full of thoughts and the racing thoughts can sometimes be deafening.  The noises in my head become louder and more crowded whenever a) I have a problem, b) when I am scared, c) when I am sad, d) when I do something wrong or bad, e) when I disappoint someone or f) when I have a supplication or a petition that I need an immediate solution to.  

When the thoughts in my mind get chaotic, I get really bad anxiety attacks. And when I get anxiety attacks, It feels as though someone is choking me. I get shortness of breath, and I even vomit when the attack gets really bad. I feel this STRONG, desperate need for immediate action. The feeling is so powerful, so overwhelming, that an inner turmoil begins and I lose control of myself.

When we are troubled, scared, and confused, especially when answers to our prayer petitions are delayed; there is this great temptation for us to despair, to feel helpless, hopeless, and to question whether God really cares for us or not. We become depressed and disheartened to the point where we question whether God exists or not.

 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dew).

The saying "When dew is on the grass, the rain will never come to pass" applies here.

According to Wikipedia: "Dew is water in the form of droplets that appears on thin, exposed objects in the morning or evening due to condensation. As the exposed surface cools by radiating its heat, atmospheric moisture condenses at a rate greater than that at which it can evaporate, resulting in the formation of water droplets". 

Just like the formation of dew, we need to cool down, to wait and be quiet; to be Still, Stay Still, and Keep Still, to allow God to work in us and for us; to have A Stillness born of Trust in the Almighty God.

Just like when we get our picture taken. We have to keep still in order for the photographer to capture our likeness on film. When we are in a hurry for answers, we deprive God of the opportunity to work on our behalf. We take action, thus depriving ourselves of the opportunity for God to show us that He really loves us.

Do you ever feel so physically and emotionally weak, so weak that you cease doing anything? When this happens, you lean on a shoulder of a loved one, correct? You rest completely on someone else, trusting in someone else’s strength.

Have you ever hit rock bottom where you are almost absolutely sure that there is no way out when you feel that maybe the Lord is punishing you, for one reason or another, just because He is silent? And when He is silent, you get wearier, more scared, and your anxiety grows. And you wonder and question why God is not answering your prayers, no matter how hard you pray, no matter how long, and no matter how sincere your prayers are.

“There are seasons when to still demand immeasurably higher strength 

than to act.”

Let me tell you something my friend, I can empathize completely. I feel this too. But you know what calms me when I am at my darkest and saddest hour? Is realizing that God’s ways are not my ways. 

Sometimes the seeming setbacks are not setbacks at all but “setups”, for our greatest days ahead. Remember Romans 8:28? 

While in prayer, stand firmly in the promise of God. The purpose of Prayer is to get a hold of God, not to get a hold of an answer from delays. He is at work everyday of our lives. And even if our petitions need immediate action, God's timing is never late; He is also never early. The Lord's timing is Perfect, and He is all-knowing.

"Doing nothing" and keeping still, demands much greater strength than taking action. When we are desperate for actions because we are either scared or overwhelmed, the actions we take are usually born out of impulse and desperation, lacking in thought  and wisdom. Trusting God and being still, restores in us a state of quiet alertness, ready to receive wisdom and guidance from our all-knowing God.

My resolve whenever I feel overwhelmed or scared, whenever God seems to be silent; I Stay and Keep Still. It is not easy, but the Lord has shown me that when I trust in Him, and have faith in Him, He will see me through my darkest hours. And because of this, He has not failed me, not even once! I may not get the answer or solution that I was praying for, but He has given me the solution I need. He is all-knowing, my friend. Trust that whatever solutions He gives, are the best solutions for us.  Trust that there is a reason for his "delays".

My Prayer: In Quiet Stillness, I will Trust. You Oh Lord shall be my strength and I will not falter. I will not lean on my own understanding. I will wait for your Wisdom to guide me. I will tell myself that it is okay that I am not strong enough because you will provide me with the strength I will need to endure my darkest hours. I will believe that you will provide me the Grace to Trust, To be Still, to Let Go, and Let You Take Care of Me.  Amen.

Friend, Be still. Let Go and Let God do His wondrous 

work in us and for us.